Hey guys! So it’s been a while since I’ve done a personal post like this, and I figured that I should get around to telling you what’s been going on. I haven’t been very active lately on any of my social media, or on here. In fact, for the past few weeks, everything on here has been pre-written and/or posted before. I didn’t have the mental strength to write anything.
It’s been a little over a week now since I went to the doctors and was officially diagnosed with chronic depression. Though in all honesty, I could have told you that myself. I’ve had depression for years, and was diagnosed back in high school, but never really got the treatment I was looking for. I had been prescribed medication before, but it didn’t really work the way that it needed to. But now I have good medication, and even though it’s only been a week, I basically feel like myself right now I believe that part of it is the placebo effect, but I’ll take what I can get. I still have days where I’m more down and out, but for the most part, I’m on the mend.
My health before going to the doctors was… terrifying if I am being completely honest here. I don’t know if I’ve completely explained what was happening, but here goes. I was completely and utterly unable to take care of myself. I was having to be dressed and undressed by Adam, and whenever I did get out of bed, I was usually unable to return on my own- leading to him carrying me to bed more often than not for a few weeks. That is if I even got out of bed at all. I stopped feeling. Not just emotions (I was either “off” or sad), but physically I couldn’t really feel myself. My legs were so heavy that I couldn’t move them, and there were a few times where I had to have Adam move my arms because I physically couldn’t lift them. It’s heartbreaking to know that he has had to take care of me like I’m a sick puppy. I even broke down one night absolutely sobbing, telling him that I can just go home to my parents if he didn’t want to take care of me anymore… It’s been rough for me.
Adam though, he’s been an absolute superstar. He hasn’t complained ONCE about taking care of me. He would make my food, and sit with me until I ate at least a few bites. He would fill my water bottle up, and wait until I took a drink or two. And there have been many occasions where when I’ve wanted to give up, he would just sit with me for hours as I lay on him. I owe him so much.
I’m doing much better now, though. I’m up most days. I’ve been cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, doing laundry, cleaning the dishes, and making this house a home again. I’m getting back into writing, slowly but surely. And I’ve had several people request me to review their books for them! I’ll have one coming out next month, so be on the lookout for Betrayal: The Hidden Truth in a few weeks!
Thank you, everyone, that has stuck with me while I pick myself back up. I’m really grateful for those of you who have stayed by my side. It means a lot. I hope you had a happy Easter if you celebrate.