My inactivity lately is due to multiple unforeseen circumstances of life, the repercussions of which lead to the commonality of depression.
Please don’t take my lack of posting for lack of care. I currently have a lack of want to be anything other than what my husband is now referring to as a ‘zombie’. Seeing as I’m not in a productive state of mind, I am taking a step back to just… live. I’m in a dark place and need time to let the light in without being blinded.
A quick word on depression. It’s not being ‘sad’. Depression is an unmoving, unblinking, unwavering, unproductive existence. For me to travel downstairs to the kitchen in order to retrieve a snack took probably 10 minutes, in which is usually a 45-second action. It’s going to the toilet and then sitting there for five minutes because your arms are too heavy to reach for the toilet paper. It’s taking half an hour to write this tiny post, which would normally take me a few minutes.
Depression isn’t sad. It’s being empty. It’s knowing that you’re empty and not being able to do anything about it.
Please give me some time to relearn how to live.