Guys- I’m not in shape. I used to be when I rode horses for 8 hours a day, 7 days a week. I could haul bales of hay that weighed more than me, saddle a horse in less than two minutes, and I had thighs of steel. Seriously, they were pretty fantastic looking. But now that I live this sedentary life of being a ‘housewife’ (which I’m still working on talking about with my husband), I’ve lost a ton of my muscle. I’ve also gained some weight around my middle so I’m super soft looking. Not that I was rocking a 6-pack before, but I’m feeling a little more doughy than anything.
Because of that, I want to go to the gym! Except, I’ve never been to the gym before. As previously mentioned, my gym was made of hay bales and feisty horses. I’ve never had to lift real weights before, let alone in front of a ton of other people who truly know what they’re doing. I’m an Airforce wife. The gym I go to is inhabited by military dudes and dudettes who have more muscle on them than a halter horse. So, it’s just a little more than intimidating to go in there and have to stand next to all of these dude-bro’s who have their shit together. Because of that, I asked Adam to go with me and show me the ropes on how to work some of the equipment and stuff. Well, that didn’t necessarily go as planned. He chugged some pre-workout before we got there and then basically ignored me the whole time. When he wasn’t ignoring me, he was adding weight onto the equipment I was on, telling me that I needed to ‘feel it’ and stuff.
This was a bad idea for a few reasons, but the main one is that because of my health issues, I can’t push myself very hard physically. When I start to get hot internally- I don’t even have to be sweating or anything- my head goes fuzzy. My vision goes black on the edges. The room starts swaying. I feel like I’m going to pass out. So having Adam load weight onto the machines and push me harder and harder nearly caused me to blackout. It’s not his fault. He was hyped up on testosterone (that’s in the pre-workout) and just wants to see me be the best version of myself that I can be. But I ended up being kind of mean to him because I needed to stop but he wasn’t listening. Sorry babe. We left the gym early because I felt like I was dying. (Side note: I was drinking plenty of water. This is an undiagnosed thing and trust me, the tests I’ve done are very comprehensive.)
So I think I’m going to just have to workout at home until I can build up my tolerance a little bit. This means lots of crunches, jumping jacks, mountain climbers, and I think I want to start running. Well, walking, but working up to running. I’ve also been into yoga recently, so that’s a thing. All I know is that I was dying after just a few workouts and I don’t ever want to end up like that again. I just also want to say that I am very self-conscience about my body and how I look to others. But because I’m so self-conscience about it, and because my anxiety is so bad, it makes it really hard for me to do anything about it- at least publically. Hopefully writing about it will make this something that I have to do. Just another resolution for the year.