It’s really easy to become unsure of your relationship, your other half, or yourself when in a long distance relationship. Heck, regular relationships go through the same hardships, but keeping your faith in someone half a world away in my case, is a little more daunting than someone who lives a block over, or even in your same house.
Having trust in someone other than yourself is terrifying. I have very poor trust for many people, and that’s just from personal experience telling me to believe that I’m better off on my own. But after meeting Adam, I have more trust in him than I even have in myself. For me, trusting him is no more difficult than inhaling, and that inhale helps if it smells like him. I’ve also had the ability to truly spend time with him, however. Our relationship, though currently long distance, wasn’t always this way… in some respect. The closest we’ve ever lived to one another is a two-hour drive on the highway. Anyways, I’m getting off topic! The point that I’m trying to make is that my relationship is different from yours. Yours is different from mine. While our overall experiences might not be parallel, I can safely assume that we’ve been in similar situations.
As stated before, communication is key. While talking through everything can be a great way to make sure that you’re both on the same page about things, there’s always that sliver of doubt. Let me tell you- IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE. You’re not alone with wondering if s/he’s out with someone else. But learning to accept the fact that they chose you is a powerful state of mind that gives you the confidence, and the peacefulness, to say that you are theirs, and they are yours.
In the time that Adam has been away from me, and not just these past few weeks, I’ve had my concerns when he doesn’t answer back right away. He was at another station for 13 months, and it was hard! We got through it in our own way though. See, every time a girl would hit on him, he would tell me, and then try to send me a picture of her. Most of the time they weren’t all that attractive, but a few were. For some reason, this system worked. It eased my conscience that he thought it was funny that they were hitting on him. I also knew that he never got their phone numbers, or did anything, because he would video call me as soon as he got home from where he had been. The nights when he would get drunk with his buddies, he would call me or text me to say how much he loved me.
Bottom line, there’s trust to be had in the person that you care so deeply for.
Having faith in your person isn’t a religious standpoint by any means, but it is believing in the power of your love for each other.
How to gain trust:
A simple way I’ve found to keep my trust in Adam high, is to be as honest and raw about myself that I can be. He trusts me enough to be the same way back. Nearly every day there is a ‘feelings’ talk, usually about my depression or anxiety, but it helps us grow closer together. I’ve learned that he truly listens to me, and that’s really all that matters. When something goes awry between you and your partner, do your best to not build those big brick walls of yours. Keep them low; low enough for your partner to come help you when there’s trouble in paradise. Truly, learning the ins and outs of your better half is the only way to gain enough trust and confidence in other another that there can be nothing that stands in your way.
If there ever is a time when somebody jumps to conclusions about things, it can be hard to mend the fences between you. Especially when there’s no proof or evidence of anything ever happening, it can be a scary thought to share. Learning trust is learning vulnerability. There’s nothing wrong with your insecurities, but don’t let them override your love for your person. They are there to help, love, support, and comfort you when you need it- that goes for all situations.
Let yourself love wholly. Let yourself be vulnerable.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Question: In what way do you keep the trust in your relationship? Long distance or not.