There’s a lot that goes into play when getting into a long distance relationship. There’s a lot of trust to be had, feelings to be shared, and memories to be made. But something was brought to my attention a couple of days ago (from when I wrote this)… are you attracted to the person, or just to the idea of them? My best friend, Sam, and I were talking over the phone, and she was explaining how this new guy that she was dating was really amazing, but it was so out of the blue that they started even talking. By the way, hi Sam!!! Continuing… we had talked about the oddness of how quick it was that they started hanging out, and then going on the perfect first date of all time. Literally, I’m jealous. But it was our conversation on if the attraction was to him, or to the idea of him. And I feel like this is a topic that needs to be brought up for all relationships, not just the in-person ones.
Something that can, and does, happen a lot over the internet is ‘catfishing’, where someone pretends to be someone else for their amusement or personal gain. It may not always be to harm the other person on the other end of the conversation, but it can happen. I’ve done it. Granted I only talked to the person for two days before breaking his heart, but nonetheless, it was wrong. It can be so easy to fall for someone “perfect”, especially when you don’t know them in person. And it can honestly be dangerous in certain situations, should they arise.
So when getting into a long distance relationship, you need to be vigilant about these sort of things. If you met this person via Facebook, or some other social meeting place online, you need to find some way to make sure that this person, is this person that you’re talking to.
I’m going to get past the catfishing stuff now, seeing as how it’s scary to me as well that people can do this to others. Now I’m going to talk to you about when you’re in the relationship with your person, and not knowing if you’re staying in the relationship because you actually like this person, or if you just like the idea of the relationship. People in high school have lots of “I like the idea of a relationship” relationships, and they do sound just as juvenile when it’s adults getting into the same position. Being in a relationship because you think it’s “fun” or “interesting” or “new” is just as bad as asking a person out on a date on a dare. It’a not fair to yourself or the other person to string them along in a fantasy that you wanted to play with. A relationship is not a toy for you to bat around and dink around with. This kind of relationship is just as real and valid as any other, and people truly get feelings through this as well, so don’t mess with them.
Loving a person is something special that should be nurtured, and respected. So being in a relationship is something that you shouldn’t get into lightly- as an adult, that is. With the complications of a long distance though, there are more obstacles to overcome, and it can be more difficult to maintain the love and respect needed. Don’t fret if the relationship doesn’t pan out, as long as you tried to make the relationship work before ending it, everything is all good.
Basically, I’m trying to make you understand the difference between loving the person and loving the idea of the person. Much like having a one-sided relationship with a celebrity who doesn’t know you even exist (Tom Hiddleston, my husband had Adam not snatched me up first), you have to learn when the relationship is futile and when it’s worth fighting for.
What about you? Do you love your person, or do you just love the idea of them?